Own your voice.
Even if it shakes.
In the workplace, this can be incredibly difficult to do. We may tell ourselves not to care so much about our jobs, but our passions and internal motivations are what drive us to be successful. What we mean by "not caring" is actually that we don't want to let our jobs affect our health negatively, and we don't want to let our work creep into our personal time or affect our home life. But it's okay to care about your job during work hours - in fact, it's necessary for success. Caring is often what makes you successful.
But sometimes, caring can get in the way of our success. It can get in the way of what we want to say or do. Maybe we care too much about what others think and we don't say what we think. What happens then?
SO often I would be in meetings and I didn't speak up, and later, I'd kick myself. I'd wish I had said something. Why didn't I say something? I was left wondering. And the fact that it happened repeatedly meant it had become a trend, or maybe even (gasp) a habit.
The first step is self-awareness, right?
Maybe the problem isn't just caring [too much]. Maybe it's about boundaries. We set up boundaries because guardrails are easier to operate between. If you stay in your lane, and I stay in mine, and we approach the guardrails when we need to chat, then everything will work out. And for the most part, this is fine. Sure, sometimes you need to break that wall down and let the communication and creativity fly, but for the most part, strict processes are going to keep teams organized and aligned, leading to greater productivity, empowerment, and job satisfaction.
But what happens when you care about working within a boundary, and it hurts you?
Let's go back to the "speaking up in meetings" situation. More times than I can count, I have been in meetings where an issue came up or a question arose, and I either had a great idea to share, or a resource to refer to, or a solution to the question, but I didn't voice my opinion. Maybe I thought my opinion didn't matter in that moment, or that it wasn't my place or the right time to share it. Or maybe I thought it was so obvious that everyone else could see it, too (this one happens on a daily basis).
The worst part is when I'm sitting there with something to say, but I keep it in, and then a moment later, someone else says it. And even worse, that person gets endless praise and maybe reaps other business-related benefits as well like respect and authority.
Why didn't I speak up? Maybe there was another boundary at play - an imaginary one. One I made up for myself that doesn't need to exist. I often hear people explain away these situations with reasons such as, "I was afraid I was going to sound stupid" (boundary: fear) or "I figured someone else would say it" (boundary: bystander effect) or even "I didn't know how to say it the right way" (boundary: ineffective communication). Once I chipped away at these boundaries, opportunities began to open up.
Once we call out an obstacle, we can begin to overcome it. See it, name it, understand it, and fix it. In this case, once we recognize that we are holding back in team meetings and want to contribute valuable stories and ideas to the conversation, we can begin to work towards doing it effectively.
Here are some tips that'll help you start to shatter those boundaries:
Owning your voice
Take a deep breath in. Blow out as slowly as possible.
Pull your shoulders down and back. Practice good posture.
Recognize if you're tensing any muscles and make a conscious effort to let go.
Speak slowly and gather your thoughts. There's no need to rush. Take pauses if you need them.
Be confident in what you're saying. Everyone comes to the table with something different. Your perspective matters just as much as anyone else's. You deserve to be there.
Bonus tip: Write little encouraging notes to yourself in your meeting notes ("I can do this." "I am strong.")
Contributing meaningfully to meetings
Understand what's being said. Listen first. (No, this isn't counterintuitive. Speaking without listening is a surefire way to break flow, dissolve trust, divert the conversation, and/or make people think you're showboating rather than caring about the actual topic at hand.)
Add value. Don't speak just to speak. What do these people need to hear in this moment? How would your contribution make things better? Try to always keep that trajectory moving upward, if possible.
Ask for clarification if needed. Posing a clarifying question can show you're engaged and that you want to understand something (more often than not, it is viewed as positive and constructive, that you're listening and want to follow along - not negatively, or that you're not understanding something).
Understand your audience. What types of communicators are they? What type of communication do they respond best to? (This one may come with trial and error, but you won't know until you [professionally] try.)
Understand the setting. What kind of meeting is this? Do we have five minutes to make a decision or do we have an hour to brainstorm? Are tensions high or are people feeling creative today? Recognize the mood and environment to better tailor your communication toward the moment.
Start with a statement everyone agrees with or something that was already mentioned in the meeting. Beginning with buy-in will help others follow along with you more readily.
Be professional. Even if you are nervous, or upset, or confused, or defiant, or any other feeling or emotion, you have to be professional in the workplace. Show respect at all times. And it doesn't cost anything to be polite (they're not the same thing, but they often go hand in hand).
Understand your communication style. Do you qualify statements too much or does that work for you? Are you seen as blunt and thus need to soften your communication? Do you run through a stream of consciousness or only provide calculated, script-like responses? Are you formal or informal? A lot of people begin with "I think" so as not to appear forceful. Try that out. Or try stating your idea objectively, directly, and factually. Or try posing something as a "maybe." Recognize how you communicate best - and how others communicate - and figure out where the two meet in the middle.
Provide context. Why is yours a good idea? How might that elevate our strategy? What possible outcomes might that lead to? What goals might that achieve? Consider the results and try to frame them as positively (and realistically) as possible.
Relate to others. Sometimes (if it doesn't take too much time) a story might be helpful to illustrate your point in concrete terms. And if you've got data to back it up?! All the more reason to share - and to recognize the environment in which that data was generated (and that that may not work for others, or be replicable, etc.). (Bonus point - Consider as many angles as possible, or at least recognize that yours isn't the only one!)
Ask for others' thoughts. Pose your idea, then ask for their feedback. You may ask, "Would something like this work for your teams?" or "How would this idea work into your strategies?" Display that you understand other teams have their own strategies and programs and that you're willing to collaborate to come up with the best solution for all. (Note: Sometimes we need to share a thought and let the conversation pick up where it may. And, yes, sometimes we don't want others' thoughts. Recognize whether what you are sharing is something that should become a dialogue or should simply be placed out there into the ether.)
Be simple and clear. Don't drag on and on. Say what you need to say then let it stand on its own.
Bonus - Be human! You don't need to talk like a machine. Try some humor if the mood allows. A simple, clean anecdote can help humanize you and let others know you're trying to relate to them.
This may seem like a lot, and it won't all happen at once. Take one bullet and try that out in the next team meeting you find yourself in. Maybe afterward ask someone else in the meeting how they thought the communication went or what might help similar meetings go more smoothly.
The more you practice it, the more quickly all of these things will happen until speaking up appropriately (and adding value, and tailoring your communication to your audience, and being simple and clear...) is (/are) second nature. The more you do something, the more easily it'll come to you next time. Communication - and speaking up in stressful work situations - is no different.
We'd love to hear your success stories! Tell us about a time you overcome a barrier (mental, physical, political, or otherwise) to contribute meaningfully in a work meeting and what the [hopefully positive!] outcome was.